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David Archuletais getting candid about a difficult time in his life, which happened to coincide with the height of his success.
In his new memoir,Devout, theAmerican Idolrunner-up reveals that he chose to be homeless and live out of his car in the wake of his rapid rise to fame. He opened up about that decision in aninterview with PEOPLE, telling the outlet, "I didn't feel like I deserved to take care of myself. So even though I was having a lot of success in the public, I was sleeping in my car a lot of times because that's what I believed I deserved."
After starring onAmerican Idolseason 7 and releasing his hit single "Crush" in 2008, Archuleta was initially living with a relative but chose to live in his car instead, even though he could afford a hotel stay. "I had concocted this belief that I didn't deserve to treat myself well," Archuleta writes in his book, per PEOPLE. "It was an act of contrition — for my wicked thoughts, for allowing myself to be manipulated by so many. I was at the height of fame, and I chose homelessness. You can have everything, but worthiness comes from within, and I had none."
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However, everything changed when a cop who recognized him caught him sleeping in his car. "That experience did force me to acknowledge that living this way might have consequences beyond what I already knew," he writes. "I could see the headline now: 'American IdolFinalist Sleeps in His Car!'"
Archuleta, who was raised in the Mormon Church, publicly came out as queer in 2021 and left the church the following year, all of which he details in his new book, and of which he told PEOPLE, "It's nice to look back and be like, 'I got through that in my very imperfect way of doing it, but I made it through it and I found a way to feel better about myself.'"
He continued, "And even if I wasn't able to accept it at the time, I can look back 16, 17 years later and say, 'I worked my ass off. I worked as hard as I could.' Even feeling miserable through all that and feeling ashamed to even be there, I worked as hard as I knew how to."
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Speaking toEntertainment Weeklyin 2023, after his stint onThe Masked Singer, Archuleta echoed that sentiment, even admitting that he finds it hard to watch performances from that time in his life. "I think it's hard for me to watchAmerican Idol, for example, because I was young, and I was very much terrified of myself," he said. "And I was just like, well, if I do everything the right way, that part of me won't come forward. I was trying so hard to, not just hide that part of me, but to just push it down. So that's why sometimes when I look back, I'm like, oh my gosh, I see that I was exhausted, but I was also trying so hard to not be who I naturally was."
Devoutis available now wherever books are sold.
Read the original article onEntertainment Weekly